your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can I color on your dick again?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
