It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
