Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
