easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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