I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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