So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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