Who wears a wallet chain?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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