I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
