Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
