dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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