five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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