she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
