my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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