someone get that fucking seahorse.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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