Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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