don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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