so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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