uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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