I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
