so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
