I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
