He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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