I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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