the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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