apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize