it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
