i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
