The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
