you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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