I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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