FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
