Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize