I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please, let me fuck your mom
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
