a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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