Sponge bath it is.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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