My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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