AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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