the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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