I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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