i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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