come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
