I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
