Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
