2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize