youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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