Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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