She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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