Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
