i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize