Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize