I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
