Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
