my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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