And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
