Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
