Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
