I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
