I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
