WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
