Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
