I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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