And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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