I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
