chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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