I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
