:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
