my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
