Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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