So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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