A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
