forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
