Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
