He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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