Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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