i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize