i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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