Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
