U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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