Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
