Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
