return my video game
I hate your face
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
