nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
