why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
