why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
