You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
