Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
