My nipple is on Facebook.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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