I bet he comes in French.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Enjoy the penises
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
