Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You pole danced in your parka.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
