Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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