The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
