areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
