billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
